jummm aer ps io yo nunca he alado de ti ps menos q eras un atorrante ps puxa no entiendo ps mira a mi les me dijo q tenia la comversacion gravada de q tu avias dicho ke io naa ps no te caia y me dijo si keles q enseño ps puxaa jummm bno ojla tonz too este bn bno si tu ni io emos alado naaa del otro keriendo keriendo !!! xD
bhaa ja oie a eso ke pasa no me refiero ps ya se q no a pazadooO na ps pro lez dijo q io no te caia y too mas ps y uhmm me sorprendio ke entonzez me dijeras pra el camM uhm ahora entiendes y uhmmm
io en ningun moment dije eso de q eras atorrante uhmm ???? jummmmm
no usO muxo faceboOk :) poez yo vOi iemm :) aunq un poko tisteh consuelame xD AORA NU ME VAYEZ A DECIR TE COMPRARE UN CONSOLADOR Xd jaja como otras personithas :P:P
sammy she cant break us, right? no one has done it, she cant either, cos we love each others. pls go away from her, she wants that we'll break up, but we wont. i love u so much, more than anything
<3 i hope ur gonna read this soon.
"one thing.. i hope that u'd go to ur home soon. i know u r for me, but i dont anyway like the feeling when i know that u r there with her. so pls, go to home as fastly as its possible. and yea, ur mom has to say u sorry, im agree abt that, but u could go to see her and give her a chance for it. anger doesnt carry u, i've learned that, so dont fuck up ur relations with ur mom as ive made with my dad. im feeling like i have almost nothing in common with him. yea i have his blood, but thats all, i dont trust in him or feel like he'd be near to me. dont make the same mistake sammy.
i'll go now, could u write to me? i will read it tomorrow when i come here again. i hope we'll manage this althought now we cant even talk so much, i hope u'll everyday think of me anyway and that we wont let go. i swear u i wont, cos i have gave up so much for u, so i wont let this go. im just waiting for that day when im safe, safe in ur arms, safe with u, when ur inside me, when we r the one. im just waiting for that day and thinking of it gets me through this all. i can say honestly say that u r all what i have. and u have heard how hard my life is, so now it's time to believe it sam. i go now, i will be thinking of u the whole day and the night too (it's so hard to get sleep when i can know how u r) u can always write to me if u feel bad or whatever u feel, always, i read it right away when its possible and i'll always take a care of u, i love u, thanks for being there for me
<3"
"im sorry cos i made u feel confused. things r like this, they can keep me there at most as long time as im eighteen. and u asked me how i know it, its like that cos the law over here says so. when im eighteen they cant force me to anything and then im free to do whatever i want. that part might made u confused when i explained what they r saying abt u. i can only say to u that we have to be strong now, we don't care abt what they r saying, not even one word, right? i know u r there for me, i know u exists, i know u love me. i know it and its enough for me. and i am strong as u said, id even stand on my head those 5 months anymore, cos i know that after those i'll be happy. i will manage through every second, every bad moment, every day even if i cry at least once everyday how much i miss u, how i miss my life, anyway i will manage. i have to. i cant say that "ive went through the worse things too" cos i havent, this is the most difficult thing in my life, but i can say that "what doesnt kill u, it makes u only stronger" and i will be stronger, i will i know. those things which i wrote up there, those r true, im so tired and i feel alone each time when i open that places door and go there, but it won't kill me, i know. and i have my reason to be strong, the reason is u. and cos i know that i managed yesterday, it was so terrible day.. really i was already thinking that where i do it, where i cut. my hands were shaking, i was crying and thinking that once again im gonna do it, i was so sure that im gonna do it. but then i thought "no pauliina, no" and i thought so cos i know that if i hurt myself, it hurts u too and u r the last person who i want to hurt (im sorry cos ive done it before, i'd wanna get those days away cos i dont want to hurt u
<3), they i thought of everything what uve said to me and i realized that i have my reason and cos i have it i dont have any reason to hurt myself. im sure that if i wouldnt have u, id have done it, but anyway, let's no think abt that. im a bit sorry also cos i give u so big responsibility, but i hope that ud take it. we dont need anyone else if we both just believe. 2 persons r enough if they both want each others and believe in what they have, right? i believe in u and just in u. and u r worth all the trouble, i dont have a doubt abt it."
and this is what i wrote before than she sent that:
"dont worry, i didnt start to cry. i came here cos i needed to write. u, writing and music r the only things which make me feel better now. im sorry cos i made u feel confused, i didnt want it, i just told how things are. and those r so fucked up. i feel like id be in impasse, i dont know how to get out of this feeling. i've been feeling this same feeling now like for 3 months, every damn day and it gets worse. i have no one to who talk over there, i dont want to talk to those ppl, i can trust in them. everyday is the same, i have been living the same day those 3 months. now i feel stupid when i remember how i thought some months ago that i was alone when i was in the troubles and living at home where everything was safe, i had place to go and the safe bed where to go to sleep and feel like its mine, i can sleep even the whole day if i want so. i wasnt living in the jail which is full of rules, full of strange ppl and full of loneliness. i havent ever feel as lonely as ive felt all these days. they say me "u can always come to talk" but wtf id talk to totally strange ppl who i dont know, who dont know me. what id say? i dont even wanna say anything cos all what i say, they use it againts me. they r saying im a bad person, i make mistakes plaplapla.. yea, thats what they say, but no one sees how bad i feel there. i havent ever felt so huge anger. sometimes i think that what i've made wrong, cos im only 17 years old and ive been already depressed, suicidal and now living there.. sometimes i think that its some punishment and i just have to live through it without telling to anyone how it feels"
sammy, u should be more careful, look how crazy is that girl in who's house u r sleeping. she tries to break us.. she checked ur email n read what i wrote. n this is what she said to me.
"So you hate me ? I take care of him so don't worry, he is in good hands here. why do i wirte ? because i care! He's asleep and left his computer on waiting for your email. Ad you know, your "bf" ( i don't even call that a relation ) is sleeping with me due to his argument with his mom.
You should know Sammy better; he hates when someone tells him what to do , and you tell him what to do with his mom?. It's not about your mistake with your dad; ( i belive ) it's beacuase you don't want him with me; you're jealous beacuse i have him.But im not jealous because of u ; i know you won't last even a month together ( if you ever come ), why? cos sammy doesn't want a teenager, he wants a woman, a ture woman, and you are just 17!....age doesn't tell if you are mature enough?...sure it has something to do with it; i bet you only know how to wirte poems, or what's better cook vegies!,or maybe you don't even know how to cook. you are right about something, you had an easier life in your house...and once you are 18, don't come because you will only be burden for him, think about it, how are you gonna live ? he hasn't even finished university, he has no work experience (real work experience , not cafe attention,he told me you did that last summer), so will you support him with money till he finishes ? but if you do, what would you be? what profession would you develop?his dad said it's a crazy idea, that he's gonna suffer, and Mr Alonzo said he won't interfere in Sammy's dessions, so if he picks you, he'll sure be doomed;worst thing, he knows that!; so never get pregnant with him,cos it would be tough for the kid when Sammy leaves you.
I will be in Canada in a couple of months to chek up for university,then i'll come back for 1 month ,maybe more;and if Sammy is free of you,i,personaly will arange his tickets and studies in Canada,and belive me you'll never know about him again.
I've never known of someone like you, someone who has a very difficult life,don't bring problems to Sammy.
Why is sammy with u? well, really he has never been with you. when are you gonna leave him alone ? beacause im giving him these days...days he will never forget,day's u'll never give him . Im sure you know you are the only obstacle between his happiness and mine ?; if you could just he how nice he's with me...
He won't read your mail when he's up beacuse we have a LONG schedule for today, in 5 hours we'll have breakfast, then we'll go skating ,then come back and i'll make his favourite dish for lunch. and then we'll go to my parents house and get some stuff out...and many things else.
I hope i've made my self clear .
BTW, if you want to tell me something, you can do it here ,i'll have his account loged on my cellphone , he won't know we had a little talk right ?"
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